The Flashcard Zoo

Personal Trainer

2009-06-02T22:26:00.002-05:00

Really, it's so nice to have our own live-in personal trainer. And he specializes in such a wide variety of disciplines, from strength training...

to pilates...

to spinning...

and yoga.

You would think I would be in much better shape than I am.

Compost Cantaloupes

2009-06-01T13:57:00.004-05:00

Yeah, we haven't been super religious about turning the compost pile. Several weeks ago, DH noticed something sprouting out there and asked if I wanted to let it go or if he should turn it. I suggested he turn it. Not surprisingly it never happened. Fast-forward a month later and we have some pretty impressive cantaloupe vines going on.

I'm actually kind of excited. I have read article upon article about growing your own garden and we always had one when I was growing up. But I had convinced myself that I just don't have time to fight off the gazillion bunnies that inhabit our backyard AND tend a garden. But hey! If I can just pitch my gloppy cantaloupe seeds out the back door and have a full-blown cantaloupe patch in a couple of months, maybe I AM cut out to grow a tomato plant or sprout a bean in a Styrofoam cup.

Budget campaign

2009-05-26T19:07:00.006-05:00

So we were driving to my inlaws' place last weekend. We exited off the highway and I happened to glance out my window as we were waiting for the light to change and saw a garage sale sign. No wait. That's a CAMPAIGN sign! And being the good little blogger that I am, I whipped out my point-and-shoot and got a picture.

The blogger in me thought, "Oh, boy. This is just too easy." Then the artiste in me thought, "Come on. If you are going to have your 6th-grader make your campaign signs, at least get them some stencils." But that might have been a bit uncharitable of me. You know, hard economic times and all. In this day and age I suppose campaigning on a shoe-string could be endearing.

I'm not sure what statement Suzette is trying to make with that sign, but bless her little pea-pickin' heart, I hope to goodness she wins whatever she's running for.

And don't even bother emailing me to ask where this was. In case you weren't around for the last major elections we had, politics can get kinda nasty and I don't want to be accused of being a plumber (which I'm not) or having a temper (which I don’t for three weeks out of the month) or being too elite (OK, you caught me. I'm totally elite). I'm not one to throw mud. I’ll just stick to specializing in snarky blog posts.

Memoriam

2009-05-22T20:56:00.002-05:00

Peanut (1974 ~ May 2009)

Peanut was a special horse. He was as gentle as a breeze and loved kids. He never snatched a carrot from a child's hand. He always took it gently and with such great care so as not to accidentally nip them or scare them. He was a gentle old soul and we will miss him dearly.

Munchkin's last ride with Peanut on April 20th of this year.

Irony

2009-05-13T14:18:00.004-05:00

So back a year and half ago Munchkin was driving me BANANAS with his inability to entertain himself for even 13 seconds. On someone else's advice (sorry, can't remember who you were, but Cruise bless you) I stalked Craigslist for a few weeks looking for the obligatory train table with some track and trains. Most of the entries looked something like this:

Train table with Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Trains include regular Thomas, Birthday Thomas, 2 Percys, Toby, Edward and coal tender, 2 Jameses with coal tenders, Emily and coal tender, Molly, Rosey, Sodor Chicken Cars, Sodor dairy cars, Cranky the Crane, the Breakdown Train, Aquarium Cars, Giggling Troublesome Trucks, Musical Caboose, Annie & Clarabelle, Express coaches, Hector, Diesel 10, Hank and coal tender, Might Mack, Tidmouth Sheds roundhouse, Quarry Mine Tunnel.....and on and on and on.

I remember reading all that thinking, "Good GRIEF, people!"

So a listing for the perfect train table appeared one day for $100 and included about 80 miles of track and a handful of trains. I called the woman, told her I would Paypal her the $100 and kiss her on the mouth if she would promise not to sell it to anyone until I got there. She agreed.

We got it home that night and Munchkin went into a train-induced trance that he has yet to come out of it. Best damn $100 I've EVER spent, hands down.

Here is where the irony comes in. That night while DH and I were settling in, I announced, "We are NOT going to go crazy and buy every Thomas train available. That is just RIDICULOUS. I mean, NO child needs all those trains. We can get him Thomas and MAYBE Percy for his birthday, but we are NOT getting any more than that. He will be perfectly fine with a couple of trains and he can pretend he has the rest. I mean it's SOOOO much better for his imagination and will teach him to appreciate what he has and blah blah blah blah." I think I also said something about national security and the downfall of society, etc. Oh, I wish you could have HEARD the sanctimonious tone with which I proclaimed all of that.

May 13, 2009 - 53 trains and counting.

So much for single-handedly halting the downfall of society.

Morning person

2009-05-02T11:16:00.004-05:00

For reasons which DH and I have not yet figured out, Munchkin is a morning person. He wakes up, not just raring to go, but in full hockey gear. Yeah, there's nothing like a hockey game first thing in the morning. Luckily, DH usually gets up with him and is playing hockey all bleary-eyed, in his boxers with a cup of coffee in his hand when I come out to make breakfast. Better him than me. At 7am, I'd much rather be making breakfast than playing hockey.

Anticipation

2009-04-27T11:42:00.002-05:00

He's standing there waiting for the first time he gets to go on the ice. He knows that if he is going to be a "big hockey pwayer just wike Daddy" that he must first learn how to ice skate...and he can hardly wait--to be just like Daddy, that is.

Smart Alec

2009-04-24T11:30:00.004-05:00

This smart alec is my 3 year old showing his best impression of Mommy doing yoga. Thing is, it's much easier for him to do "three legged dog" than it is for me. In fact, it's easier for him to do pretty much any yoga posture.

Case in point, I was struggling one day practicing "half moon pose" after having trouble with it in class. For those who don't know what "half moon pose" is, here is a nice little picture...

He just went from "down dog" and threw his leg and hand up in the air and said, "Is this how you do it, Mommy? Wook, Mommy. Is THIS how you do it?" About that time I got a violent cramp in my ass and fell down on the mat. DH, being the loving husband that he is, stood there and laughed at me. I picked up my mat and went away.

And for anyone who is curious as to where the term "Smart Alec" came from, you can check Wikipedia for the answer. It's a rather interesting story. In fact, I'm thinking it would make a great opera.

Oh, and in other news, there is currently a Flashcard Zoo Give-Away and review being hosted over at Mama Snow's. Head on over to enter and read the review!

Self Portrait ~ I Heart Faces

2009-04-21T12:28:00.003-05:00

This week's theme at I Heart Faces is "Self Portrait" and the rule is that you have to be holding the camera. So last weekend when I was at my IL's I went for a walk in their woods. It was lovely. Not hard at all to smile and be creative. I decided that I didn't want to just look into the camera and smile. In fact, I tried to find all the different ways I could be interesting while NOT looking into the camera. I think this was my favorite. I was really trying to get my face AND some of the lovely background. I think I succeeded in doing both.

Be sure and head over to I Heart Faces and check out all the other entries!

Nemesis

2009-04-19T23:00:00.003-05:00

The only time we have candy in this house is at Valentines, Easter and Halloween. Sure, we're healthy eaters. We do the natural and organic thing. I'm all about low and no sugar consumption, blah, blah, blah. But the REAL reason we don't have candy in the house is because I am not satisfied until every last bit of it is gone.

So Munchkin brings home his Easter bucket (because they have buckets nowadays and not baskets) and it's full of jelly beans and chocolate. OK? And we're not talking about the drugstore jelly beans where the green jelly beans are lime and the orange ones are orange. These were the creme-de-le-creme of jelly beans. The green ones are sour apple...and the orange ones are PEACH! PEACH, I tell you. And Hershey's chocolate bars? Why couldn't they at least be Nestle? I can't walk past a Hershey's chocolate bar without breaking into a sweat. And who ever the evil person is that invented the chocolate covered marshmallow Easter egg is going to burn in about 7 different Hells if I have anything to say about it.

I almost wish Munchkin were the kind of child to just sit down and eat it all in one sitting. At least it would be gone. No, he wants to have 2 jelly beans after dinner or one square of his Hershey's chocolate bar a day. Did you SEE how many jelly beans are in that bucket? He'll still be nibbling them in a month of Sundays.

Well, actually he won't because everytime I walk past that damn bucket I grab two jelly beans of the same color. So I predict it will be just like his Halloween candy. At the end of next week he'll ask for his two jelly beans after dinner and I'll have to report that the jelly beans are all gone. "What?" he'll say. "Where did they all go?"....

Annoying

2009-04-16T21:55:00.003-05:00

This is a picture of where my husband was standing when he finished his beer last night. Sometimes it's on the kitchen counter. Sometimes it's on the carpet next to the ottoman chair. Last night he happened to be standing next to the bar. Oddly enough, he never seems to be standing next to the recycling bin when he finishes his beer.

Impracticle

2009-04-13T18:00:00.005-05:00

I bought my first pair of completely impracticle shoes on Saturday. Well, I ASSUME that most people would consider a pair of bubblegum pink patent leather sandals impracticle.

It makes me kind of not sleep well. It just goes against fiber of my being. I mean, here I am purchasing a pair of shoes that I only have ONE article of clothing to match.

That's total insanity for me. But damn do those shoes ever look cute with that sweater. I don't know, maybe I can justify it by the fact that I still have not purchased a new bra.

love

2009-04-09T14:26:00.007-05:00

Last week I was at my inlaw's and they had an old box with a ribbon wrapped around it sitting on the table. It was a box of Grandmother's love letters from Pop. Grandmother and Pop are my DH's grandparents. Grandmother passed away last April 10th and left her old trunk to my FIL.

In that trunk, she had saved every single letter Pop wrote her while he was serving during WWII. She didn't just have the one box of letters. I was told there were many more where that box came from. I read a couple of letters and felt a bit like a voyeur, but I also know Grandmother was proud of those letters and loved for people to read them. Pop doted on her unmercifully and I think she loved that people knew it.

I never got to meet Pop. He passed away a few years before I met DH. Dh speaks of him as if he were bigger than life. I wish like anything I could have known him.

His penmanship was exquisite and his words dripped with admiration for her and with anguish at being away from her. They wrote and recieved letters from eachother almost on a daily basis. There was no email. He was about to be deployed and was very heavy hearted. He mentioned in each letter that he hoped he had many more to write and that he was living for the day he could see her again. That was June 6, 1941.

October 5, 2002 doting on DH at our wedding

August 10, 2005, her first visit with Munchkin.

We miss her.

My Friend & I!

2009-04-06T14:37:00.012-05:00

For those who are regulars on this blog, I am breaking "flashcard protocal" today. I am entering a picture in the weekly I Heart Faces photo competition. If you love photography or just like looking at pretty pictures of people, click on the button above for a lovely feast for the eyes.

The category this week is "My Friend & I". When I heard about this week's category I immediately had a picture in mind. It's one of my all-time faves. It's part of a triptych that I call "First Kiss". That is my handsome little munchkin and his girlfriend after a romantic morning of face painting, pumpkins and the petting zoo. Does it get any more romantic than that?

And it just so happens that the little darling kissing my boy is the daughter of my dear friend and fantastic photographer, Karen Schneider. And if you think my son is pretty and are certain that his parents must be too, you would be RIGHT! You can click over to Karen's blog and view her entry in the adult category to confirm it! She has entered a photo that she took of my best friend and me. It's yummy! I promise!

The First Kiss triptych

2009-04-06T13:37:00.001-05:00

Because I couldn't resist.

Bee

2009-04-04T14:20:00.003-05:00

I have to say I'm pretty damn proud of this photo. I have been needing a "B is for Bee" flashcard for The Flashcard Zoo and have been waiting with bated breath for my shrubs to bloom so I could attempt one. Let me just say, bees are NOT easy to take pictures of. They are NEVER still....darting and crawling all over the place. It took me about 20 shots to get this one good one. Not to mention that I was shooting this with wasps and bees swarming all around my head. I tell ya...the things we will do for money.

Spring

2009-04-01T13:50:00.006-05:00

I was in the bathroom with the clippers de-sasquatching when DH walked in. He stopped dead in his tracks and asked, "Wow. What's the occasion?" It's spring, honey. That means I have to start mowing again. He offered to bring in the self-propelled Snapper. I offered to insert my electric razor in his....

And I tried my best to come up with some witty April Fool's post, but I'm hopped up on Aleve and Mucinex right now and suffering from the perpetual virus that seems to come with preschool. I guess I could have told you I painted my toenails after I shaved my legs. That would have been a riot. Oh, well. Maybe someone else will rock your world today with some hideously funny April Fool's post. Me? I'm just gonna go have some of left-over chicken and dumplings and fall into the bed.

*******
And since you're here, check out my shiney new product pics at The Flashcard Zoo Store!

Sickies

2009-03-30T14:16:00.002-05:00

Yep, we have sickies in the house AGAIN. Poor Munchkin has a fever and runny, stopped up nose AGAIN! He's so miserable and the only thing he will eat when he is miserable is my special sickie recipe for Chicken and Dumplings. So that's what we're a havin' tonight.

EASY PEASY SNEEZY CHICKEN & DUMPLINGS

INGREDIENTS:
4-5 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
2 tbsp butter (optional)
1 (14 ounce) can chicken broth.
2 (10.75 ounce) cans reduced fat, low sodium condensed cream of chicken soup
1 onion, finely chopped
1 large can refridgerated biscuit dough, torn into pieces.

DIRECTIONS:
1. Place the chicken, butter, soup, chicken broth and onion in a large pot on the stove-top or in a slowcooker. Add enough water to cover chicken.

2. For crockpot cooking, cover and cook for 5 to 6 hours on high. For stove-top cooking, cover and cook for 5 to 6 hours on med-low.

3. 30 minutes before serving, open your canned biscuit dough, tear into small pieces and drop in the pot. Cover and cook WITHOUT STIRRING until the dough is no longer raw in the center (about 30 minutes).

Low-class litter

2009-03-26T11:10:00.004-05:00

So Munchkin and I were out in the front yard a couple of days ago. We were doing our usual...him drawing on the sidewalk with chalk and me pulling weeds....when I came across this lovely contribution.

I just have to say a couple of things. OK first, it's not so much that you chose to throw your empty beer can on my lawn, but.....KEYSTONE LIGHT?!?!? I mean come ON. This is Texas. I wouldn't have been near as irritated had it been Shiner Bock. At least it would have been litter and not "low-class litter". And a can. You're drinking Keystone Light from A CAN! What, let me guess. Your name is "Bubba" or "Boyd"?

And one last suggestion. If you're gonna be so rude as to throw something on my lawn, could you AT LEAST make sure it's something that will kill that damn dandelion? Actually, Keystone Light might actually kill dandelions so next time why don't you just pop the tab (I can't believe I even said that) and pour the nastiness out on the dandelions and go GITCHER SELF A FRICKIN' SHINER!!! IN A BOTTLE!!!

Swiveling and Sweeping

2009-03-23T15:21:00.003-05:00

This is the latest post in my "Child Labor Series".

So I got a Swivel Sweeper for Christmas and can I just say that I love this thing. It swivels on a dime. It sweeps my kitchen tile and even gets right up to the baseboards. No more running around with a seperate broom and dustpan sweeping up crumbs. But the BEST selling feature of this little jewel is that it is light enough for a preschooler to use.

It rotates and rolls with virtually no effort whatsoever and it weighs next to nothing. So there you go. The perfect "toy", if I should say so myself. Of course, he's afraid of the noise so we are working on actually turning it on while he's "playing" with it. But I have my hopes up.

Welcome Ultimate Blog Partiers!!

2009-03-21T10:26:00.005-05:00

Welcome to those of you stopping by for the Ultimate Blog Party hosted by 5Minutes for Mom. If you don't know what that is and you want to join in on the fun, click the button on the right side bar to be taken to the festivities.

For those visiting, poke around and have fun reading. Some of my favorite posts are Grasshopper, Cheap, Holding Hands, Sasquatch, Sanity, Y Chromosome, and potty Break.

Have fun blog-hopping! And if you have time, please visit The Flashcard Zoo Store. I am sponsoring an Ultimate Blog Party give-away for a free set of flashcards, so head over to the UBP page and enter!

Potty Break

2009-03-20T16:34:00.009-05:00

Yep, that's a babboon taking a piss on another babboon's head. But they kissed and made up right afterwards so it was all cool.

Today Munchkin and I went to the Fort Worth Zoo with some dear friends. It must have been "Gitcher Rear In Here" day at the zoo because virtually every animal we approached promptly turned around and showed his back side.

We saw striped butts,

purple butts,

and "OMG-is-the-train-coming-yet-is-it-is-it-is-it?!?!?!?" butts.

And this handsome guy was showing his stuff too. Can you spot it? Are you impressed? I know I was.

But I actually did get some fantastic shots of some animals that will likely show up on some flashcards in the near future.

Look at this gorgeous cat. They are cubs if you can believe it.

And I thought this guy was just amazing.

And these little monkeys were at the "Snack Exhibit" diplaying mouths-full of my (now) famous homemade granola bars.

In fact, they were such a big hit that I am going to share the recipe with you. (Actually, I know Munchkin #2's mommy reads this blog and was dying for the recipe, so here it is, hon.)

SHANNAH'S FAMOUS SUPER SECRET RECIPE GRANOLA BARS (or something like that)

INGREDIENTS
3 cups rolled oats
¼ cup flaxseed meal
¾ cup whole wheat flour (you can use a full cup of whole wheat flour and omit the flaxseed meal if you don’t have any.)
1 egg, beaten
¼ cup apple sauce
2/3 cup salted butter, melted
¾ cup honey
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup mixed seeds and/or nuts of your choice (I used chopped pecans, pumpkin seed kernels and sunflower seed kernels)
1 cup chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 9x13 inch pan with wax paper.
2. In a large bowl combine all dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. Add wet ingredients and mix thoroughly. (Mixing thoroughly is key to making them stick together.)
3. Press mixture in prepared pan. Lay another piece of wax paper on top of the mixture and press it down evenly and firmly with your hand. Remove wax paper from top and bake for 20-25 minutes or until the edges are just golden brown.
4. Remove from oven and pack down firmly and evenly with a spatula. Let cool COMPLETELY before cutting. Cut into desired size bars with a pizza cutter.

Note: The last two cups of ingredients (nuts and chocolate chips) can include all kinds of fun stuff. You can try any combination of raisins, other dried fruits, white chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, nuts and seeds. Anything goes.

These also freeze well and can be saved for lunch box snacks and quick breakfasts. They are SUPER filling and stay with you a long time.

Oops

2009-03-18T21:04:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that was 49 in a 35 right there. They have a new speed trap on my main drag...and it's a total drag. Dude had the nerve to pull me over on my way to yoga, and he took his sweet time about it too. I mean, come ON. "Ma'am, did you know your were speeding?" Um, YEAH. I was speeding because I'm in a hurry so could you light a fire under it already.

He just killed my "ohm" and my Karma and my feng shui and kunf fu and all that stuff. It's so pointless to have to rush to get to yoga. And it's even more fun when you have a 3 year old in the back seat telling you you're going too fast all the way there.

Cheesey

2009-03-16T21:50:00.011-05:00

As I have been flitting around the internet and blogosphere lately, I am constantly reminded of the infinite varieties of "cheese" that exist as far as "opera for the masses" goes. Please excuse me while I don my over-educated, music-snob, snarky-opera-singer, big powdered wig for this post.

I was just on kirtsy and for reasons that I do not know, I knowingly clicked on a link of Il Divo singing Amazing Grace (and no, there is no hyperlink. I'm not giving them the free publicity). I can't say that it was amazing or graceful. In fact, it made me kinda wish I was chewing broken glass instead of listening.

It wasn't surprising. I know it's out there. I have had to smile countless times when people find out I'm an opera singer and start in with, "OMGosh, I just love Sarah Brightman. And have you seen Phantom of the Opera? And I just got Paul Potts' new CD yesterday. Isn't he amazing?" Oh, totally! In a very not-even- mediocre kinda way. I imagine myself as a calculus professor standing around at cocktail parties listening to people blurt out incorrect equations, all the while nodding politely.

So yeah, I guess I'm a snob. Or maybe not. It's just annoying when something is presented to the masses as "opera" and it couldn't be further from the truth. If I have to hear one more hack sing Nessun dorma, I think I might throw myself off a water tower.

Paul Potts does NOT sing Nessun dorma. Il Divo does NOT sing Nessun dorma. Andrea Bocelli does NOT sing Nessun dorma. And Russel Wats-his-name does NOT sing Nessun dorma. Luciano Pavarotti sings Nessun dorma.

Observe that when he sings, veins do not pop out of his neck, nor does his face does turn blood red, nor is he standing on his tip toes clawing at the air in front of him and his vocal cords are not flying out of his mouth. No, the sound pours out of him effortlessly as if the gods were willing it out of his mouth. That, my friends is opera...not to be confused with "popera".

And lest anyone think Sarah Brightman has any business singing Rusalka's "Song to the Moon", feast your ears on Renee Fleming--an ACTUAL diva singing it in the original Czech...and she does so WITHOUT a mermaid outfit or glittery eyeshadow or a gawd-aweful headdress that looks like it's attacking her. Just pure class, fantastic vocal technique and a sound that is gorgeous without being run through the spin cycle.

And with that, I am stepping off my soap box. Your music lesson is over and you may now return to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Back-breaking, butt-kicking blisters

2009-03-15T22:41:00.002-05:00

That's a half a cubic yard of soil in the back of that truck. About 20 more loads of that and we'll have some decent top-soil in our back yard. That's our foreman there with the bright yellow plastic shovel. He's a real workhorse.

Y Chromosome

2009-03-12T16:53:00.003-05:00

So here it is. I caught Munchkin on the toilet with his View Master.

It truly MUST be something in the Y chromosome that produces the insatiable need for entertainment while one is sitting on the pot. There were men in my family (I'm not mentioning names) who used to sit and read the Sears catalogue on the pot. I worked at a hedge fund in NYC where I witnessed many a men coming out of the bathroom with their thumbs flying across their Blackberry...because we know absolutely NOTHING can wait until you get back to your desk from your potty break.

I don't know women who do this. I don't take reading material or my phone to the bathroom with me. Who knows, maybe that's just because I don't have time. I rarely (if ever) get to even go in there by myself anymore, much less take 30 minutes to answer emails or pick out my spring wardrobe. Although, maybe if I had a View Master with some picture wheels of George Clooney or Hugh Jackman I could find the time.

Endurance

2009-03-10T21:56:00.003-05:00

Tonight we hit the all-you-can-eat buffet at Mama's Pizza. Mama would be proud of my boys. The OVERWHELMING majority of that carnage was inflicted by my husband and Munchkin. They both put their hollow legs to good use. Is it unusual that my 3 year old eats me under the table?

Potential

2009-03-09T11:03:00.005-05:00

Spring has sprung here in Dallas. Our neighborhood is covered in blooming Bradford Pear Trees right now and it's just lovely. Bradford pears are actually pretty useless trees, IMO. They provide no shade, which is really why you have trees in Texas. But they DO look lovely for the one week that they are in bloom.

I found this one little mast that had a few blooms holding out...such potential. I don't know what they're waiting for but I'm in no hurry for them to pop. No sooner has the tree completely popped then the blooms will begin to fall off. In fact, I took Munchkin to preschool this morning and as I was driving down the ally I noticed it was speckled with little white confetti. It's almost over.

And of course while I was shooting the trees, I had to take a picture of this gorgeous child.

Fail

2009-03-06T15:02:00.004-06:00

Can you see it? That bad case of "bra fail" just waiting to happen? That strap is just hanging on by a thread and could go at any moment. Luckily, I don't have massive wild bossoms that will be flying everywhere when it happens.

My husband says just about every night, "Why don't you JUST GO BUY A BRA ALREADY?!?! Maybe get crazy and buy TWO!!!!"

I don't know. I like to get every last ounce of use out of things like bras and socks and underwear (see Cheap) and one bra has been enough for the past two years....and beige is the only color I can make myself buy and I don't need two beige bras (I know, makes no sense.) I mean if I had run out and bought myself a new bra as soon as this one started wearing out I would have done so a year ago. And see! It has lasted a whole nother year! In fact, I predict I have another 3-4 good months left on that strap. And I bet if I re-enforced it with a safety pin, I'd have another year. Hmmmmmm.

And a hearty welcome to my VGNO Ladies. Poke around and enjoy yourself. I may not be on tonight because we are having company, but I'll catch up this weekend.

Oh, and for the party game--women are "angelic" dontcha think? And if you DON'T think so maybe you should just keep your pie-hole SHUT! Got it?!?

toodles

Sanity

2009-03-03T21:09:00.005-06:00

I don't do product reviews because that's just not what this blog is about, but if I like something I don't mind telling people.

Today I am here to testify that I am now sane 4 weeks out of the month instead of only two...and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband.

Since Munchkin was born, I have had THE most hideous PMS. I mean stark raving crazy--don't even look at me cross-eyed or I'm filing for divorce--how DARE you use my toothbrush on accident now I have to cram it up your butt--my child is the spawn in the devil--C-R-A-Z-Y! Contrast that with the first two weeks of my cycle when my husband is just too funny, he's sometimes forgetful but it's so endearing, and my child is the most enchanting child on earth.

I spent two years having every hormone screening imaginable, choking down Chinese herbs, reading virtually every book that had been written on women's hormones and PMS, doing yeast eradication, taking every other herb that I had heard about, read about or even dreamt about. I finally got relief from taking natural progesterone, but I was still up and down for that two weeks and I had to take so much of it.

Two months ago I was flitting through the health food store and grabbed a little informational pamphlet entitled Preventing Cancer in Women Naturally—with DIM by Holly Lucille, ND (sorry, you have to register to read it online. If you don't want to register, email me and I can email you a PDF.)

Basically, this little substance called DIM (a merciful abbreviation for diindolylmethane) is a powerful nutrient found in broccoli, cauliflower and other cruciferous vegetables that has a direct effect on hormone balance. However, to get the full effect you would have to eat something like 10lbs of broccoli a day and they just don't make enough Beano for me to do that. If you can't tolerate 10lbs of fart flower a day, you can take a nifty little pill. And that nifty little pill is precisely why my husband and I are still married and my child has not been sent away.

After reading the pamphlet I thought, seriously WTH? I have nothing to lose but my sanity and I've been doing that for 2 weeks out of every month for the past few years. So I bought a bottle, started taking it the day I ovulated and sat back and waited for everything around me to start pissing me off.......but it never did. I noticed my child and husband were getting really annoying about 4 days later so I started taking the maximum dosage and they miraculously became enchanting again. This month I just started with the maximum dose and I've been walking around like someone was blowing sunshine up my ass for the whole two weeks.

I purposely waited two months to say anything about it to my friends because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a fluke. I am just finishing my second PMS-free month and my husband has promised me that he is buying stock in my "happy pills".

The product I purchased was EstroBalance by Enzymatic Therapy. I bought a different brand that was on sale and took a few pills last month and started going crazy. When I switched back to the EstroBalance, everything got sunny again so I won't be using anything but my favorite brand. (Disclaimer: I am not in cahoots with Enzymatic Therapy in any way. I am not being paid to endorse their product, HOWEVER if you guys over there at Enzymatic Therapy want to send me a lifetime supply of those "happy pills" I will gladly have your logo tattooed on my butt.)

So take the information and do whatever you want with it. I just had to put it out there because I wouldn't wish my PMS on anyone else in the world. It was so frustrating and so depressing and I hated myself for two weeks out of every month--50% OF THE TIME!!--and that was no fun for me or the people I love.

Peace out.

Oh, and P.S. I don't THINK there are many (if any) men reading this blog, but if you are and you get the bright idea to go buy this for your wife, DON'T. Maybe email her and say, "I ran across this funny new blog I thought you might like" and hope she reads it, or print out the article and send it to her anonymously in the mail, but DON'T go out and buy a bottle for her and plop it down on the kitchen table. She would be completely within her rights to throw you and the pills off a water tower.

E?

2009-03-02T14:49:00.004-06:00

So Munchkin has been getting 5 M&Ms whenever he takes his antibiotic. (I know, tsk tsk tsk. But honestly I have tasted the stuff and I wouldn't take it unless you promised me a gift certificate to the W Salon & Spa every time, so I figure in this economy we're getting off good with 5 M&Ms.)

Anyhoo, he gets his five M&Ms the other night and takes them over to his little special place to lay them all out and go through the ritual of counting them and grouping them by color (he IS my child) and deciding which one he should eat first when he says, "Mom, why deez M-uh-Ms don't have Ms on 'em?" I go over and look and ask what he means because they all have Ms on them. He says, "No Mom. Doze are EEEEs." And do you know how he knew that? Because he has a big ole stack of Flashcard Zoo Flashcards. (Sorry. Couldn't resist. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.)

So I turned them all 45 degrees to tranform the Es into Ms. "Wow, Mom. How did you do dat?"

Ass-woopin'

2009-02-27T14:00:00.003-06:00

So I practice yoga fairly religiously (about 4 times a week)...that is until everyone in this house started trading viral plagues about 6 weeks ago. I hadn't been to class in 6 weeks, which is by far the longest stretch I have gone with no yoga since I began practicing. I have finally started feeling human again the past couple of days and Munchkin is well enough to stay in the child-watch area, so I really felt like I needed to venture back into my yoga class this morning.

I walked in just as everyone was getting cozy on their mats, my yoga teacher looked at me and grinned...and then she proceeded to woop my ass with my own yoga mat. Holy CRUISE! I will probably be sleeping in traction tonight and DH will likely have to pull my underwear up for me tomorrow, but a good ass-woopin' never felt so good!

And I can't forget to welcome all the wonderful ladies over here for Virtual Girl's Night Out hosted by Ann at Ann Again...And Again. It's a fun night of blog hopping. I encourage you to head over to Ann's and add your URL to the Mister Linky and start hopping.

And for a little VGNO news, I met a lovely lady at our party last week--Erin at This Mom Can Shop. We talked a little more over the weekend and this week Erin is hosting a Flashcard Zoo give-away on her blog. I encourage you to visit her blog (heck, why don't you just "follow" her while you're at it. She obviously has good taste in give-aways) and enter to win a lovely set of my flashcards.

Y'all have a good one!

Anticipation

2009-02-26T15:30:00.003-06:00

I'm so excited! I ordered a custom tote bag and matching make-up bag just 4 days ago from Dee's Deezigns on Etsy and I got an email today (with lovely picture attached) saying it would ship out tomorrow!

I can't even remember how I found her shop, but I am so glad I did. I've been carrying around a black microfiber diaper bag/tote from Wally World for about a year, and the lining has been completely ripped out and floating around inside the bag for at leats 4 months. So I decided I would splurge and get myself a nice tote bag. She even custom-made it to my specifications (outside pockets and matching make-up bag, pretty please.) Yippee! I can't wait.

So if you're in the market for a tote bag or any other shoulder bag, go take look at her shop!

Sasquatch

2009-02-24T10:11:00.004-06:00

Yeah, that's my leg. And before any of you go all "OMG! I can't BELIEVE she hasn't shaved in that long!" don't EVEN act like you have never had hair that long on your legs before. If you say you haven't, you're lying. You likely didn't post a picture on your blog (that requires a special brand of crazy) but it was there, hiding under your velour lounge pants.

Everyone in this house has been sick for the past 2 MONTHS and things like shaving my legs and buying groceries have been low on the list of priorities. I'm feeling a bit better now and we've just about eaten everything in the pantry so I guess it's time to go to the grocery store. And if the clippers are charged I might even mow my legs tonight. We'll see.

Misled

2009-02-23T07:53:00.003-06:00

I have a real bone to pick with Speedo. I was at Costco last week and saw this bathing suit lying on the table (and for those of you squinting to see what size it is, it's a size 8 m'kay.) When summer rolls around we frequent the community pool on a daily basis and we are going to the coast this year so I thought splurging on a new suit was in order. I liked the colors and it looked really nice lying there on that plastic form.

HOWEVER! Do NOT be misled. That bathing suit looks NOTHING like that when you put it on. The bra cups are not near as perky, the waist is tight and bulges out in front a bit, and GET THIS, the whole back side spreads out CONSIDERABLY! I am so indignant and upset. I have a right mind to take a picture of myself wearing the bathing suit and send it along with my complaint. If you want the bathing suit to look right, you have to wear the plastic mold under it, and trust me, that is NOT comfortable.

Welcome VGNO ladies!

2009-02-20T16:53:00.005-06:00

A warm welcome to all the VGNO (Virtual Girls Night Out) ladies. VGNO is a virtual blog party that takes place every Friday night and is hosted by Ann at Anne Again...And Again. Head over there and add your blog to the Mr. Linky and take part in the party.

Now for the party theme:

In honor of the Academy Awards that are happening this Sunday the 22nd let's play... "I Would Like To Thank". List 3 people/things/situations that you would like to thank.

1) I Would Like To Thank... DH for being surrogate Mommy this week while I was overhauling my Etsy store.
2) I Would Like To Thank... my pediatrician for being on call when Munchkin busted his lip just before dinner and bled like a stuck pig.
3) I Would Like To Thank... the 8 random people who just started following me on Twitter! Not sure what I did, but COOL!

And for all who are visiting, I also invite you take a gander at my Etsy store. I have spent all week updating my product photos and restucturing my products. ARHGHGHGH! I am so glad to have it done! So to celebrate, if anyone here at VGNO decides they want to order something, I will give you a 20% discount. Just come back here and post in the comments to let me know you are interested and we'll be in touch.

Happy blogging!

Blind

2009-02-20T10:14:00.004-06:00

Hey, hon. Just dropping you a line to let you know I found your black sweatpants. You remember, the ones that were "missing". The ones you looked "EVERYWHERE" for. Yeah, I found them...wadded up in the floor of your side of the closet. Of course, I can TOTALLY see how you would have missed them.

SUCCESS!

2009-02-18T15:40:00.003-06:00

Do you know what that is? That is a picture of success! The dearest DH ever has resolved to help out around the house by picking up after himself more. This morning his breakfast plate made it into the dishwasher without me having to do it OR even asking him to do it. I would call that a resounding success.

Next on the list is getting him to actually wash his scraps down the disposal instead of just leaving them lying in the sink, but I'm happy with baby steps.

L-O-V-E

2009-02-17T21:36:00.003-06:00

Yep, I SOOOOO heart my new Samsung Omnia. It was my Valentine's gift from the DH. He did great! Of course it helped that I started telling him before Christmas that I was getting a new phone for Valentine's Day and that he dropped me off at the Verizon store and babysat Munchkin while I bought it. But hey, it's the thought that counts.

Now I get my email on my phone, I've got a calendar (although it is not that hard to keep up with yoga and Munchkin's playdates and that's pretty much all my schedule consists of, but I can dream) and a virtual QWERTY keyboard for texing...AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW NICE THAT IS! I loathe texting on a numeric keypad. It gives me hives. You can't just text "Hey Dude!", you have to text "4-3-9-#-3-8-3-pause-3-Menu-5-4-Ok" That just puts me in a bad mood.

So I'm ecstatic to be able to type away on my new touch screen! And besides that it just looks cool, don't you think, lying there on my leg (are you loving the flannel jammies) telling me that I have a spam email from efax...which I can promptly delete from my phone without having to log in to my email. Yippee for gadgets! And hey! I get alerts on my phone when you leave comments. Go ahead! Please make my day!

Anyhoo, I highly recommend the Omnia...if you can't afford the $350 for the ridiculously over-priced HTC Touch Pro, that is.

Chef

2009-02-16T15:52:00.004-06:00

Meet my personal chef. Her name is Crockpot Versaware. She's been in the family for about 3 years and I have come to rely on her heavily throughout the week. She specializes in soups and stews and other one-pot meals. Tonight she is cooking a Chicken Taco Soup. Until today, it was a super top secret recipe. However, I persuaded her to give me permission to share it with the lovely seven people who read this blog.

CHICKEN TACO SOUP
1 onion
1 tbl olive oil
2-4oz can chopped green chilis
1 pkg taco seasoning (or more to taste)
2 cans diced tomatoes
6 cups chicken broth (low sodium, low fat)
2 cans Black beans (rinsed)
2 cups cooked chicken (added more)
(added cumin and garlic powder to taste)
*Toppings----cilantro, Monterey jack, tortilla chips

(note: add all juices of canned items if desired for extra flavor, but rinse the beans)

DIRECTIONS: Add all ingredients and cook for at least 6 hours on high.

Enjoy! And if you have any suggestions regarding how to persuade your personl chef to clean up after dinner, I'm all ears.

P.S. OR this recipe might have come from a super sweet friend who brought me a big pot of soup while we were all sick.

Holding Hands

2009-02-15T22:40:00.004-06:00

I just wanted to share this custom card I did for a customer recently. It's one of my favorites. Of course, it helps that the customer is a professional photographer who happens to take the most exquisite pictures, but I just adore the love that is evident in this picture. I am told the recipient (who is the little girl in the picture) just loved it.

And if you would like to see more from this photographer, you can visit Karen Schneider Photography Blog ~ Capture the Journey as well as her website.

Kiss

2009-02-14T14:41:00.001-06:00

Wishing you all lots of kisses today, even if they are with a gummi bear.

Valentine

2009-02-13T14:36:00.004-06:00

You can never go wrong with paper doiley hearts and Elmer's School Glue. Quite possibly the bestes Valentine card I have ever gotten. And the blue eyes add a nice touch too as they sparkle while handing over their newest creation...which is still a bit cold and soggy with wet glue. Wouldn't trade it for all the Victoria's Secret gift cards in the world........ummmmm, OK, maybe I would, but that's a different post (coming soon).

Wonder

2009-02-12T17:07:00.005-06:00

Try explaining to a three year old what a fossil is. He was completely fascinated AND frustrated with this neat little seashell inside the rock that he couldnt' get out. He picked at it and grunted and finally said, "Mommy. grunt Why dey grunt put the seashell grunt stuck INSIDE THE ROCK?!?!" It took a lot of convincing before he believed that I couldn't get it out so he could take it home.

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Do you need flashcards for homeschooling? Click here to find them at The Flashcard Zoo!

Obsessive

2009-02-11T15:59:00.006-06:00

I have recently come to realize I might be a little obsessive about my plastic container cabinet. My parents didn't have a plastic container cabinet until recently. They had a drawer about a foot deep that was level to the top with lids and bowls. When you wanted to store your leftovers, you opened the drawer and started pulling out bowls and random lids until something matched. When you found what you needed, you stood on top of all the bowls and lids and jumped up and down until you could get the drawer closed again (OK, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but not much).

Recently when I went to visit my parents my mom asked me to clean out their drawer and arrange everything in the cabinet in their island. I was positively GIDDY I tell you. Fishing out bowls and lids and throwing away sacks full of empty butter and Cool Whip dishes was so cathartic. (I was ordered not to tell my dad I had thrown them away because he likes to save them and gets heart palpitations when you throw something away that MIGHT be useful....next year).

Anyhoo, when we got it all done I felt this warm calm come over me like I had just figured out my meaning in life. It wasn't quite the feeling I had when they placed my newborn child on my chest, but it was close. I slept like a baby that night.

It was at that point I realized I MIGHT be a titch obsessed with the neatness of my plastic container cabinet. I thought it was completely normal to arrange all your containers according to size so that you get the maximum stacking capacity. And all lids should be stacked from back to front in descending order according to size so that you have maximum visibility for easy retrieval. Square containers are stacked inside square containers and round containers inside round ones. There shall be no mixing of geometric shapes, for this is an abomination in container storage!.....I mean...anyway, that's kinda what I would say if I were REALLY obsessed. But I'm not.

And then I'm reminded of this episode....

I ask, "Ummm, what are you doing?!?" His response was, "I make french toast, Mommy."

He is lucky he's cute.

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Are you looking for flash cards online? Click here to find them!

Salmonella Sandwich

2009-02-09T21:19:00.004-06:00

Anyone feeling lucky today? Want a sandwich?

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Do you need number flash cards? Click here to get started!

Memory

2009-02-08T15:59:00.007-06:00

I was in my backyard this weekend pulling these obnoxious purple weeds. I noticed the smell on my hands and was immediately wafted back to when I was a young girl and used to pick these very same weeds because I thought they were pretty purple flowers. I would gather as many and I could hold in my hands and take them inside and insist we put them in a glass of water.

Funny how our perception changes. I look out now and see them sprouting up all over my yard and I am thoroughly peeved at the little annoying weeds invading my lawn. Thirty years ago I would have thought I was walking through a floral wonderland. Makes me wish I could be more childlike in my appreciation of nature...or at least that we weren't so committed to organic lawn care and I could go out there and douse them with some chemical weed killer that is about two molecules away from being radioactive waste.

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Do you want alphabet flash cards for baby? Click here to get started!

Cheap

2009-02-05T18:53:00.007-06:00

"What IS that" you ask? Those are toothpicks...broken in halves. I was visiting my parents this week and went to the cabinet to get a toothpick. Every single one I pulled out of the box was broken in half. I asked my mom "why do you only have broken toothpicks?" Her answer? "Your dad doesn't want to use a whole toothpick so he breaks them in half." Now, you might think they have fallen on hard times, but they haven't. My dad just can't bring himself to be wasteful of even half a toothpick.

I shouldn't poke fun because he did teach me the value of re-using coffee filters and squeezing every last molecule out of the toothpaste tube (my husband would throw it away but I can brush my teeth for 2 weeks with the toothpaste that's left) and getting two more hair washes from an empty bottle of shampoo by swishing water around in it and not throwing away the bottle of ranch dressing until you have rinsed it out with milk and used it on a salad. But breaking toothpicks in half? I would NEVER do that!

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Time out

2009-02-02T17:56:00.003-06:00

Yep. It's been one of those days.

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Do you need some alphabet flashcards for baby? Click here to find them at The Flashcard Zoo!

Grasshopper

2009-02-01T16:12:00.005-06:00

I have no idea how this grasshopper managed to impale himself on my pecan tree, but I would have given anything to have seen it. We watched A Bug's Life yesterday, so I did take a little pleasure in seeing this and imaging a colony of little blue ants marching him up the tree and ceremoniously mounting him there for me to see. I thought it rather poetic. "DIE, HOPPER! DIIIIIIEEEEE!"

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Want to get your number flashcards online? Click here to find them!

bff

2009-01-31T20:26:00.008-06:00

Yep, Kleenex is my BFF right now. I'm on week 2 with the flu. And don't even start with me. I got a flu shot, but apparently they got the flu shot wrong this year. Just my luck.

And yes, I'm showing the brandname in the photo because I don't mean "tissue". I mean KLEENEX. Not Puffs. Not Kirklands. Not "Wipe So Fine". Kleenex is the only tissue that wipes my nose when I'm sick. I don't care if it's 820 thread-count combed Egyptian cotton, when you are plucking tissues at the rate of 50 a day, it begins to feel like 20-grit sandpaper....unless it's Kleenex brand, that is. I'm cozying up to a box right now.

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Do you need some really fantastic ABC flashcards? Click here to get them at The Flashcard Zoo!