Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I don't do product reviews because that's just not what this blog is about, but if I like something I don't mind telling people.
Today I am here to testify that I am now sane 4 weeks out of the month instead of only two...and if you don't believe me, just ask my husband.
Since Munchkin was born, I have had THE most hideous PMS. I mean stark raving crazy--don't even look at me cross-eyed or I'm filing for divorce--how DARE you use my toothbrush on accident now I have to cram it up your butt--my child is the spawn in the devil--C-R-A-Z-Y! Contrast that with the first two weeks of my cycle when my husband is just too funny, he's sometimes forgetful but it's so endearing, and my child is the most enchanting child on earth.
I spent two years having every hormone screening imaginable, choking down Chinese herbs, reading virtually every book that had been written on women's hormones and PMS, doing yeast eradication, taking every other herb that I had heard about, read about or even dreamt about. I finally got relief from taking natural progesterone, but I was still up and down for that two weeks and I had to take so much of it.
Two months ago I was flitting through the health food store and grabbed a little informational pamphlet entitled Preventing Cancer in Women Naturally—with DIM by Holly Lucille, ND (sorry, you have to register to read it online. If you don't want to register, email me and I can email you a PDF.)
Basically, this little substance called DIM (a merciful abbreviation for diindolylmethane) is a powerful nutrient found in broccoli, cauliflower and other cruciferous vegetables that has a direct effect on hormone balance. However, to get the full effect you would have to eat something like 10lbs of broccoli a day and they just don't make enough Beano for me to do that. If you can't tolerate 10lbs of fart flower a day, you can take a nifty little pill. And that nifty little pill is precisely why my husband and I are still married and my child has not been sent away.
After reading the pamphlet I thought, seriously WTH? I have nothing to lose but my sanity and I've been doing that for 2 weeks out of every month for the past few years. So I bought a bottle, started taking it the day I ovulated and sat back and waited for everything around me to start pissing me off.......but it never did. I noticed my child and husband were getting really annoying about 4 days later so I started taking the maximum dosage and they miraculously became enchanting again. This month I just started with the maximum dose and I've been walking around like someone was blowing sunshine up my ass for the whole two weeks.
I purposely waited two months to say anything about it to my friends because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a fluke. I am just finishing my second PMS-free month and my husband has promised me that he is buying stock in my "happy pills".
The product I purchased was EstroBalance by Enzymatic Therapy. I bought a different brand that was on sale and took a few pills last month and started going crazy. When I switched back to the EstroBalance, everything got sunny again so I won't be using anything but my favorite brand. (Disclaimer: I am not in cahoots with Enzymatic Therapy in any way. I am not being paid to endorse their product, HOWEVER if you guys over there at Enzymatic Therapy want to send me a lifetime supply of those "happy pills" I will gladly have your logo tattooed on my butt.)
So take the information and do whatever you want with it. I just had to put it out there because I wouldn't wish my PMS on anyone else in the world. It was so frustrating and so depressing and I hated myself for two weeks out of every month--50% OF THE TIME!!--and that was no fun for me or the people I love.
Oh, and P.S. I don't THINK there are many (if any) men reading this blog, but if you are and you get the bright idea to go buy this for your wife, DON'T. Maybe email her and say, "I ran across this funny new blog I thought you might like" and hope she reads it, or print out the article and send it to her anonymously in the mail, but DON'T go out and buy a bottle for her and plop it down on the kitchen table. She would be completely within her rights to throw you and the pills off a water tower.